The Beer Mile: An elegant tribute to fitness and beer.

What a great idea! I can drink beer with ease,

Is adding some running some kind of tease?

I’ll get creative and pick a good stout,

That’ll show them that I know what I’m about.


My wave starts at noon and day drinking’s my jam,

Just call me Kanye because I’m about to go ham.

Layout my beers careful not to shake,

Act like I’m nervous (for my competitors sake).


The starter says go and I crack my first beer.

My goodness it’s tasty! That much is clear.

In 8 seconds flat, I’m the first to be done,

And like a bat out of hell I take off for the run.


The smile on my face turns from grin to frown,

As the contents of the stomach feel upside down.

And in caution I slow regretting my slurp,

But on comes relief in form of a burp.


Lap 1 in the books and beer 2 in hand,

Still sure that first place is where I will land.

I crack number 2 with a chug and a crush,

Be it the beer or endorphins I’m feeling the rush.


I knock out the lap like the champ that I am,

“Nothing will stop me”, I think and then WAM!

To this point I stood strong in both stomach and mind,

But nothing prepared me for an event of this kind.


Don’t puke was the goal and to this I held true,

But the sight of the others was enough to make me spew.

I had to stop for a breath, saliva building in the mouth,

If I didn’t beat this now my race would head south.


I wiped the sweat from my brow and attacked can number 3,

Only one can be winner and that would be me!

Now onto the run! Already lapping the field,

No puke or fatigue would cause me to yield!


But little did I know that this feeling would pass,

36 onces in the tank but I was out of gas.

Round 4 poses issues unknown at the start,

This idea was bad, like trusting a fart.


The fourth beer was agony, a cruel mistress of suds,

So much harder than a six pack of Buds.

But I chugged and cringed forcing beer into belly,

Stomach was an ocean and legs that of jelly.


This was my day to shine regardless of pain,

With my reputation on the line this would not be a stain!

And with a final tip and a crumble I tossed can four to the ground,

Keeping the burping to a minimum and legs in full bound.


I finished that race, every beer and each stride,

The race a true test but I held back the tide.

The run was amazing, easily ranking in the top two,

But I couldn’t help thinking, “What the hell did I just do….”